" "
(mime monologue)
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
(I <3 NY style) I (have never been to) NY but I hear it's love
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
(I <3 NY style) I have never been to NY but I hear it's lovely
of 25 votes, 4% like it
|
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(pi)r^2 sounds like a raucous pirate party.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
2020: A Year to Look Back
of 29 votes, 21% like it
|
2020: A Year to Look Back and Judge Harshly in Hindsight
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
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2020: The Nostalgic Year of Hindsight
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
2020: The Year of the Ophthalmologist
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
2020: The Year of the Opthalmologist
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
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2020: The Year of the Optometrist
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
A beard is a man's bib.
of 34 votes, 15% like it
|
A dead boomerang will come back to haunt you.
of 36 votes, 25% like it
|
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A shirt by any other name would feel as soft.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
A t-shirt is like a walking billboard for your soul.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Actually, napping is the least that I can do.
of 25 votes, 8% like it
|
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Actually, stubbornness is never having to say you're sorry.
of 35 votes, 37% like it
|
all you need is what makes the world go 'round
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
Am I a tragic hero if my status updates give me character limits?
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
|
American mathematicians like apple pi.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
American mathematicians like their pi to be apple.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
An open mind is a good thing during brain surgery.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
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Apparently apples are Kryptonite for doctors.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Arr, can't buy me love.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
Be kind to passing drivers: it's a two-way street.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Before electricity, they were called "super abilities."
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
Behind every great man is the $64,000 question
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
Beware of arbitrary warning signs.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
|
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BIG LOUD WORDS MAKE IT TRUE
of 27 votes, 33% like it
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Brainwashing is make-believe.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Breaking into song is nicer than breaking into banks.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
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Brilliant ideas go to my head.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
Burn candles, not books.
of 42 votes, 31% like it
|
Burn rubber, not books.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Can't we all just get a long... vacation?
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
Can't we all just get a long... way away from each other?
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Capitalist Propaganda gets people to buy into things
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
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Character limits make me feel inferior.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
Check please! I play chess politely.
of 41 votes, 34% like it
|
Consumerist Propaganda gets people to buy into things
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
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Counting is as easy as 1, 2, 3.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
Dance like your shoes are on fire.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
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Dear coin, catch you on the flip side.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
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Dear Santa, leave gift receipts.
of 22 votes, 32% like it
|
Despite it's name, pi has little to do with baked goods.
of 3 votes, 67% like it
|
Despite its mathematical name, 3.14 is not a desert.
of 25 votes, 8% like it
|
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Despite its name, pi has little to do with baked goods
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
Despite popular belief, pi has little to do with baked goods.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
|
Didn't get the geography joke? Guess you had to be there.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
|
Don't believe everything that you see in the movie version.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
Don't believe everything that you watch the movie version of.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
|
Don't blame me, I voted for no one.
of 33 votes, 24% like it
|
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Don't worry about cults. Brainwashing is make-believe.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
Einstein was an all you can eat buffet for zombies.
of 23 votes, 30% like it
|
End war. Solve international disputes with dance competitions.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
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Enough! I draw the line at Connect the Dots.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
Even in the future, we'll be wearing pop culture reference shirts
of 20 votes, 30% like it
|
Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is to collect hobbies.
of 34 votes, 24% like it
|
|
Everything is one.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
Extra! Extra! Newspapers for sale!
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
Families that are covered with tons of adhesive, stay together.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
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Finding the area of a pie is much less fun than eating it.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
Flat clothes are ironic.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
|
For adventurers, all roads lead to roam.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
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For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
|
For the record, I bought a gramophone.
of 42 votes, 31% like it
|
For the record, I bought a phonograph.
of 31 votes, 35% like it
|
|
Forget everything you know about amnesia
of 41 votes, 37% like it
|
Forget everything you know about memory
of 26 votes, 23% like it
|
Fortune Cookie: You will sleep soundly... IN BED!
of 29 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Frame pictures, not pawns.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Future nostalgia will remember this moment fondly.
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
Ghosts only haunt the easily scared.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Giving 110% is over rated.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
Global warming-sees the oceans as half empty, and wants to help.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
|
Got annoying ad campaigns that became popular culture cliches?
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
|
Grant 3 wishes: mo' money, mo' problems, ironic return to normal
of 23 votes, 4% like it
|
Hats are so over my head.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
Having an extra electron is ionic.
of 32 votes, 16% like it
|
|
Hello, my name is not Dave.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
Hemming a skirt seams a waist.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
History repeats itself when you have a time machine.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
|
home is where I &heart; NY.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Hypnotizing a pocket watch might be a challenge.
of 31 votes, 26% like it
|
I accessorize by wearing emotions on my sleeve.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I annoy remote controls by pushing their buttons.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
I assume you want to know what I think about stuff.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I bleed words
of 25 votes, 4% like it
|
|
I bought a lousy t-shirt and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
I can't make heads or tails of foreign currency.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
I don't like the number 13 unless I'm buying donuts.
of 29 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I feel it in my heart... BLOOD!!!
of 35 votes, 20% like it
|
I gave 100% and ceased to exist.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
I got a little carried away when I scored the game-winner.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
I have mountain climber friends in high places.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
I have my head in the clouds when it's foggy out.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
I like love. *For controversial opinions see: stickers, bumper.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
|
I like to time travel every now and then.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
I listened to a mockingbird sing, but I didn't get offended.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
|
I love my leg. We are attached at the hip.
of 29 votes, 21% like it
|
|
I self destruct in exactly five beers.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
I settle disagreements by playing rock paper scissors.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
I sincerely love you, random person reading my shirt.
of 50 votes, 40% like it
|
|
I stare directly at solar eclipses.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
I start the wave at sporting events.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
I think an ellipsis demonstrates my further consideration...
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
I think haiku shirts / are a bit overrated / but I'm wearing one.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
I time travel now and then.
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
I use conventional spelling and grammar despite character limits.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
|
I want to be remembrd as one who lived life to the fullest of pie
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
I {'ve never been to} NY {but I hear it's lovely}
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
I'd give you any other shirt off my back.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I'm a good shoplifter because I have nerves of steal.
of 38 votes, 29% like it
|
I'm always-right brained.
of 28 votes, 7% like it
|
I'm friends with friends with friends with (6 times) Kevin Bacon
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
|
I'm friends with friends with friends with (6 times) you.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
|
I'm not arrogant. Brilliant ideas just go to my head.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
I'm quite attractive, what with the magnets in my pockets.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I'm so crazy, I just might work.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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I'm so crazy, I might just work.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
I'm sorry but I hate apologies.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
|
I'm the guy in the crowd that starts the wave. Surfers love me.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
I've been a man of letters since kindergarten.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
If everyone was as apathetic as me, we'd have no war.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
|
If I give 100%, do I cease to exist?
of 39 votes, 33% like it
|
If it's not luck, but skill, I want to get skilly tonight.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
If knowledge is power, why don't books work as fuel for my car?
of 31 votes, 29% like it
|
|
If the future is now, I need a new dictionary.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
If the future is now, what's tomorrow?
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
If the power goes out while babysitting, don't pick up the phone
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
In fifteen minutes, everyone will be in the future.
of 34 votes, 15% like it
|
Individuality is [fill in the blank].
of 39 votes, 31% like it
|
It is famous that in 15 minutes everyone will be in the future.
of 28 votes, 7% like it
|
|
It's your life, you can decorate it as you like.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
Jersey colors determine my loyalties
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
Jesus is the Answer... to Who Would You Rather.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
|
Keep an open mind for brain surgery.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
|
Kids say the darnedest things I hate about you.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
|
Legalize pot pies.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Less is more, especially when golfing.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
Let's shoot the breeze, because shooting people is murder.
of 34 votes, 18% like it
|
Life is my muse.
of 29 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Love isn't never having to say you're sorry. Stubbornness is.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
Made from organic genetic material.
of 13 votes, 31% like it
|
Mannequins are for posers.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Mario works on so many levels.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
Mine is a shirt of wording irregular.
of 21 votes, 5% like it
|
Mockingbirds don't offend me.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Money can buy you Happiness™
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
Movies and murder are big in a small town.
of 31 votes, 13% like it
|
My golfing skills are subpar, which is good.
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
|
My golfing skills are way above par.
of 33 votes, 24% like it
|
My guts! (Sorry, that's an inside joke.)
of 41 votes, 29% like it
|
My heart is in Seoul.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
|
My lamps are so bright, they gotta wear shades.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to cover this torso.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
My money was not followed by the expected additional problems.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
My Ps and Qs? Yes, I mind!
of 37 votes, 11% like it
|
My shirt loves me. It has a me-sized hole in it.
of 35 votes, 37% like it
|
My studio audience finds this funny.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Need more minimalism!
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Needles really bother me. They get under my skin.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Newsflash: the boring superhero
of 33 votes, 30% like it
|
|
No one calls me yellow. (on yellow tee)
of 29 votes, 14% like it
|
Nuclear families raise mutant superheroes.
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
Nuclear families raise superhero mutants.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Nuclear families raise superheroes.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
Okay, so you can read this. Now try a book.
of 39 votes, 36% like it
|
On a scale of 1-10, I'm very overweight.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Once upon a time, a broken clock is right.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
One person can make a difference: my math teacher.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
Opposable thumbs start thumb wars.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
|
|
P is for Pretentious
of 34 votes, 29% like it
|
Palindromes are hard ere drah era semordnilap
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Palindromes are mirrors for words sdrow rof srorrim era semordnil
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Paper dolls are so one-dimensional
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
Pay no attention to the man behind this shirt. Also, I'm shy.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
People like stuff.
of 30 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Pirated music is off the record.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Pounding the pavement is beneath me.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Psychics have great aural communication skills.
of 26 votes, 31% like it
|
|
Put your hands in the air. Wave 'em like you just got robbed.
of 28 votes, 25% like it
|
Read 'em and weep: dear john letters
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Regionally-popular-drinking-game Champion 1999
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Regionally-popular-lawn-game-featuring-beer Champion 1999
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
Right now, someone somewhere is wearing a tie.
of 30 votes, 33% like it
|
Robot vampires riding tigers shot rainbows at my cliched heart.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Robots are brave because they have nerves of steel.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
shirt, skin, muscles, bones, organs, soul, me
of 28 votes, 7% like it
|
Shoes are beneath me.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Social ions strive to make a positive charge in the world
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
Specificity is something or other.
of 35 votes, 23% like it
|
Stop pushing my buttons. Also, I'm a robot.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
The Bad Spelling Monster is on the lose!
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
The difference between 3 and Pi is infinitedecimal
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
The future is always a day away.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
|
The idea of an infinite universe is so out there.
of 34 votes, 38% like it
|
The more often you update your status, the less status you have.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
|
The road less traveled has fewer potholes.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
|
|
The road less traveled has fewer traffic jams.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
|
The sky's the limit for astronaut failures.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
The sky's the limit, unless you have a space ship.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
|
The truth doesn't make a noise.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
The truthiness is out there.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
The world revolves around me, thought the Sun.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
|
The world revolves around me. Also, I'm the Sun.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
There's scientific method to his madness.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Things are really starting to look up, thought the fireworks.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
This t-shirt makes a statement.
of 26 votes, 38% like it
|
This... punctuation... is betraying my... uncertainty?
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
Those who can't do are condemned to repeat it.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Time is on my side. Space is on my back.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
|
To make a long story short, use less words.
of 3 votes, 67% like it
|
Turn that emoticon upside down! :)
of 35 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Turn that parenthesis upside down! :)
of 27 votes, 7% like it
|
Twice upon a time, there was a boy with a time machine.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
txt msgs h8 vowels
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
typography makes boring words seem cool!
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Tyranny reigns over my parade.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
Under this soft cotton exterior I wield great power and authority
of 35 votes, 31% like it
|
|
Video game characters work on so many levels.
of 31 votes, 32% like it
|
Video game heroes work on so many levels.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Vision is just one-sixth of my senses.
of 32 votes, 34% like it
|
|
Water really floats my boat.
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
We are made of star stuff.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
What happens beyond an event horizon stays beyond an event horzon
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
|
When I lose my car keys, I use a search engine to find them.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
When songs get stuck in your head, sing to let them out.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
When the going gets tough, the cookie crumbles.
of 31 votes, 23% like it
|
|
When the power goes out while babysitting, dont pick up the phone
of 3 votes, 67% like it
|
When you reach for the stars, you fail by billions of miles.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
|
Who needs a time machine when you have nostalgia?
of 29 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Who needs a time machine when you nostalgia?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Words belong in books, not on shirts.
of 38 votes, 24% like it
|
Would a picture of a dictionary be worth more than a 1,000 words?
of 41 votes, 41% like it
|
|
Would a picture of a word be worth 1,001 words?
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
Writers do it with layers and layers of irony.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
Writing a sonnet / on my shirt requires more / fabric, so: haiku
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
|
You have to take the good with the bad with the ugly.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
You must have wasting flesh syndrome, because you're a skeleTEN.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
